Thursday, October 21, 2010

Faith of the Fallen

I chased a girl for a year and she broke my heart.

     This is not a new story.  Hearts have been broken since the beginning of time and they will continue to be broken long after you and I are dust.  What makes this story unique is God's role.
     I rediscovered my faith when I returned to Florida.  I sat down with a spiritual man I highly respect and got answers to some of the major questions I had.  I began attending church again.
     I chased a girl for a year.  During that year I prayed constantly.  I didn't pray for the girl to like me in return, that would negate free will.  I prayed for guidance.  I begged God to show me the right path.  I begged him to send me a sign.  I was falling for this girl and I was falling hard.  If it wasn't meant to be, I wanted to know so I could get out and spare myself as much pain as possible.  If it was meant to be, I wanted to know so I could keep chasing her.
     He sent me signs I asked for.  Every time I would despair, He would send me a sign that would hearten me and keep me going.  He keep me going for a year.  When the girl finally told me: "I've even thought of dating you again.", I rejoiced.  I thanked God for answering my prayers.
     Two weeks later, she broke my heart.  The words she said were wiped away and in their place was a firm declaration of "I don't feel anything for you."  I am still recovering from the wounds inflicted.
     Why?  Why would He do that to me?  Why keep pushing me on only to tear me down in the end?  What kind of creature does that?  At any point He could have spared my feelings.  He could have sent me a sign and had me turn away from the path I was on.  Instead, He chose to keep egging me on.
     I believe that God exists.  I believe he created this universe and everything in it.  What I am having trouble understanding is why I should worship Him?  Why would I worship a being that would be that cruel?

It doesn't make sense to me.


No comments: